Every year, outlets like Variety, Deadline, and IGN put out their “Worst Of” lists for film and television. But what I find even more interesting is the idea of what could have been. It’s one thing to make a bad movie – no one ever really expected a movie about a mall cop with Kevin James to be a cult classic – but there’s a list that can be infinitely more interesting.
What about the flops, failures, and letdowns of 2023? What about those films we should have loved that we didn’t? There’s something even more compelling in the film world about a movie that had all the right ingredients, but – for one reason or another – just failed to cash in on its potential.
So this is a list of the movies that should have worked, but alas, failed to make their mark in 2023:
Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania
I have to be honest – Avengers: Endgame knocked me off my feet. A consistent Marvel skeptic, there have been many times since 2008’s Iron Man that these comic book movies have delightfully surprised me.
Unfortunately, the momentum built by the Avengers films has been a difficult thing for the films that came after to match. So even though I loved the first two, this third Ant-Man instalment presented nothing particularly special.
Paul Rudd is as fun and gleeful as ever here – and the special effects are glorious – but if I have to watch one more multi-verse, time-warp film, I’m going to scream. It’s gone from novel to a gimmick, and while it provides a means for unending cameos, it’s also just not surprising anymore.
I will say Jonathan Majors is wonderful as villainous Kang, but Corey Stoll is utilized poorly as M.O.D.O.K., the jokes are juvenile and unfunny, and even Rudd’s antics fall flat a lot of the time.
The victim of poor writing and a rushed production, Ant-Man 3 deserves to be squashed.
Beau Is Afraid
Perhaps the most ambitious 2023 project on this list, it seemed a foregone conclusion Ari Aster’s third film would become a classic.
With rave reviews for his Hereditary and Midsommar, director Ari Aster was one of the most sought-after genre directors, and Joaquin Phoenix in the lead role here was a huge draw.
And yet, this strange three-hour epic from famed studio A24 is more frustrating than unique fantasy. It follows neurotic, anxiety-ridden Beau, a middle-aged man who has to get home for his mother’s funeral after her sudden passing.
But his idiosyncrasies and fears are tested by the wild people and occurrences on his way. Unfortunately, this is a journey best ignored.
It’s weird, whacky and never quite makes full sense. For every touching, wonderful scene, Phoenix is thrust into another insane situation.
Supposedly a meditation on guilt, the only thing I felt guilty of is sitting through the entire three hours. To Phoenix’s credit, he’s amazing. He earned his Golden Globes nod this year.
But all the goodwill Aster had built up from his first two films went out the window with Beau Is Afraid.
Expend4bles
Perhaps I shouldn’t be too disappointed by this one – It’s the fourth entry in an action franchise that has been steadily going downhill with each film.
But as flawed as they are, I’ve still found something to cherish in each of Sylvester Stallone’s Expendables films. Until now, that is.
A franchise that began as a nostalgic showcase for our favourite action stars of old feels like an excuse for a paycheck now.
The cast here is still an attraction – with Stallone, Jason Statham, 50 Cent, Megan Fox, Andy Garcia, Dolph Lundgren, Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, and Randy Couture on-board – but the dialogue is so stilted they have nothing to hold onto.
Director Scott Waugh has skilful action sequences, but the writing trio have failed to put forth any sort of plot that will sustain us through the lulls between set-pieces.
One of the worst of the year, it’s time to put this franchise to rest.
Five Nights At Freddy’s
If there was any movie this year I truly wish I’d actually loved, it’s Five Nights At Freddy’s.
Based on a video-game series I loved, starring two actors I feel are insanely underrated, and a part of the horror genre I love, I had plenty of goodwill for this one going in.
But even low expectations and a willingness to forgive a terrible script couldn’t save it from becoming my biggest disappointment of 2023.
It follows Mike, a man who takes a job as an overnight security guard at the long-abandoned Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza in order to support his young sister.
But he soon realizes the animatronics in the store are coming to life, and there are some sinister secrets in the history of the location.
Stuck with a PG-13 rating may have helped it gross a heap at the box-office, but it actually made it a difficult sell for discerning horror fans like me. With next to no gore and cutaway scenes aplenty, I constantly felt like the best parts were sheltered from me.
Josh Hutcherson (of Hunger Games fame) tries his best, but can’t break out of the formula. Then there’s Matthew Lillard, in his most commercial effort in years. He’s so much fun, but he’s in an absolutely awful dud.
With the box-office returns, it’ll no doubt spawn a sequel. I just hope they put some effort into the script for the next one.
Ghosted
Ah, the action crowd-pleaser of the year that wasn’t.
Ghosted should have been good. In fact, it’s the kind of film that could have gotten by on the appeal, charisma and easy chemistry of its leads alone.
The problem? Chris Evans and Ana de Armas, both fabulous actors, have no spark at all between them.
It follows Cole, who falls head-over-heels for Sadie after a one-night stand. But after ghosting him the next morning, he becomes dismayed. Soon, though, he realizes Sadie is a secret agent, and they get swept up together on a fight to save the world.
With those two stars and Adrien Brody as the villain, it’s a formidable cast. Throw in Rocketman director Dexter Fletcher and Deadpool writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, and you’d assume this is a hit in-the-making.
The problem is that none of this works out as it should. It’s neither as funny or as breathtaking as the previous work of all involved, and it all comes out a little derivative.
I didn’t hate Ghosted – But I am left wondering what could have happened if a bit more care was taken. As it stands, it’s a huge missed opportunity.
The Haunted Mansion
When Eddie Murphy made a movie based on this Universal attraction 20 years ago, he created one of the worst films of all-time. This remake may not hit those lows, but there’s not much to write home about here either.
One of the laziest Disney films I’ve ever seen, director Justin Simien (Dear White People) manages to make a special-effects-heavy film for kids that’s neither delightful or funny, a huge disappointment given the cast involved.
LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, and Jamie Lee Curtis fail to awaken the spirit in this one, despite their obvious charisma.
Writer Kate Dippold has brought the funny with her time on Parks & Recreation and 2013 Melissa McCarthy hit The Heat, but she injects nothing new into this screenplay.
I was really hoping this could be a family-friendly affair everyone would enjoy, but I doubt it would even keep a kid’s attention for long.
Meg 2: The Trench
When The Meg was released in 2018, it almost instantly became one of my favourite guilty pleasures to watch. So I was extremely excited for this big-budget shark sequel.
Upon seeing Meg 2, I was instantly disappointed. Not only did it fail to bring new characters who matched the B-movie energy of the original cast, but Jason Statham legitimately looks bored in every frame.
When you go to watch a shark movie, you expect sharks. We got a plethora of sea creatures, but this film about a team exploring a mining operations was incredibly light on the only things I expected of it – Shark carnage and a self-aware sensibility.
Statham, Jing Wu and Cliff Curtis are underserved by the script – a flimsy collage of plot devices that somehow took three people to write. Secondly, director Ben Wheatley fails to infuse anything new or special into this sequel.
This one may just have sunk this franchise, and maybe that’s for the better at this point.
Pain Hustlers
My main issue with Pain Hustlers is that it thinks it’s a whole lot smarter than it actually is.
I hate to say it – But at this point, we have become over-saturated the last few years with films and television about the opioid epidemic. It’s a serious topic, but from Painkiller to Dopesick, they’re hitting a point where they’re failing to say anything new.
Based on a true story, this centers on Liza, who needs a job to help support her young daughter. She’s hired by Pete to work for a pharmaceutical company, but the two are ignoring the fact their sales and success are hurting those they claim to help.
Their cancer pain relief medication is actually an opioid, and it’s addictive properties ruin lives. But as Liza has a crisis of conscience, she also realizes how bad she needs the paychecks to survive.
This one only gets a passing grade from me because – unlike in Ghosted – Chris Evans actually does have a great on-screen presence with Emily Blunt. The supporting turns from Catherine O’Hara and Andy Garcia are also good.
But director David Yates – known best for making the Harry Potter films – makes a movie that is tonally all over the place. It’s a mess, and the characters are neither relatable or sympathetic.
It wasn’t rousing or angering, and I finished it feeling nothing but melancholy. It neither packs a punch around the subject it tackles nor proves particularly good entertainment.
The Machine
Comedian Bert Kreischer is actually one of my favourite stand-ups in the business right now.
His devil-may-care attitude, penchant for telling descriptive stories, and stage presence all contribute to a wonderful experience.
And yet, his feature film debut was one of the most disappointing of the year. He plays himself in a film about a story he went viral over – He got his real-life nickname ‘The Machine’ during a trip to Russia where he befriended the mob meant to watch over his class.
During the trip, he robbed the entire train and his classmates of their valuables during a drunken escapade, and that plays the basis for this film. The fictitious Russian mob comes back for Kreischer and kidnaps him in 2023 to recover a watch he stole.
This has a cracker-jack cast – From Kreischer to Jimmy Tatro playing a younger version of him, and even Mark Hamill as his father. But they all strain for credibility under the weight of a script and dialogue that do them no favours.
It’s boring, needlessly gory, crass and characterizes Kreischer incredibly poorly. What could have been a really good self-referential comedy just ends up another bloated, lazy self-indulgent comedy.
White Men Can’t Jump
Just about everyone I ever come across remembers the original White Men Can’t Jump fondly. But Jack Harlow and Sinqua Walls are no Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes.
Director Calmatic (who also helmed the terrible House Party remake this year) creates a remake that not only fails, but makes me wish people would just stop trying to revisit and reimagine perfectly fine films.
It follows two basketball hustlers who team up to win a big tournament, much to the chagrin of their partners, who just want them to succeed.
Harlow does have a wonderful, breeze screen presence. And to his credit, Walls is also a fine on-screen presence. But the two together struggle and are like oil-and-water, and it’s not a benefit to their characters.
Teyana Taylor has been lauded this year for her performance in A Thousand And One, but she’s merely a cliched stand-in here. I’m also sad to see recently-deceased Lance Reddick wasting time here.
Perhaps what’s most bothersome is the involvement of co-writer Kenya Barris, responsible for such comedy shows as Blackish. How the writer failed to create something worthwhile with this one is beyond me, but this one isn’t a slam-dunk. In fact, it barely nicks the rim.
Other Dishonourable Mentions:
- About My Father
- Beautiful Disaster
- Dicks: A Musical
- Elemental
- Freelance
- Insidious: The Red Door
- My Big Fat Greek Wedding III
- Nun 2
- Out-Laws
- Pet Sematary: Bloodlines
- Simulant
- Skinamarink
- The Boogeyman
- The Tutor
- Vacation Friends 2
About The Author:
Jordan Parker is a freelance journalist and runs entertainment firm Parker PR. A huge lover and supporter of the local arts scene, he’s an avid filmgoer and lover of all genres.
A 2SLGBTQIA+ professional, he also works doing Events & Fundraising for the AIDS Coalition of Nova Scotia and has a passion for giving a platform to queer events and artists.
His writing often skews toward local businesses, productions, events, and covering arts & entertainment. He’s also an avid sports fan and spends every May getting let down by the Maple Leafs in the first round of the playoffs.
Jordan believes in an open-door policy and welcomes story pitches and questions from readers.
Email: [email protected]
